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Characters: Jack Shephard, Sarah Shephard & Kate Austen
Date: 10/10/06
Senario: Based on a the premise of a fic that Fawn wrote Sarah shows up at Jack & Kate's house after they've been rescued. Angst ensues. Also our basic premise for Try to Fix You an RP we do. Kthnx.
Authors: atomic_eyes plays Jack Shephard & heartisbruised plays Kate Austen and Sarah Shephard

Sarah: I drove my car down the long, winding road that led to the neat little cul-de-sac he was living in. Jack. Jack and his new thing that needed fixing. The ex convict who'd somehow landed a pardon from the wreckage of their plane crash. I'd spent all those months realizing that what I'd broken in him during our divorce became broken in me the moment that plane hit the ground and I thought he was lost for good. The things that I'd walked away from, the way I'd just given up when he hadn't given up on me... God, he'd fixed me. He'd fixed my legs so that I could dance on my wedding day. And it was our wedding day that I'd danced on. News that he was alive had traveled fast but it'd taken me a month to get get the nerve to go and see him. And after that, a few weeks to find him. Now I was standing on his doorstep, waiting for him to appear, just hoping he was still the man I'd married. Still hoping he believed it could be fixed.

Jack: I moved towards the door, wondering who would be on the other side. If it was another one of my interns who thought that bringing me homemade cookies would get them into my surgeries I was going to have to have a talk with all of them. But when I opened the door and instantly recognized the figure standing there on our doorstep. My face fell and I stood behind the screen door and just stared at her, "Sarah," I said without really any emotion at all. "What are you doing here?"

Sarah: He was tall. He'd always seemed so tall. Larger than life, even. But maybe that was just because he'd saved mine. "Jack," I said, garnering the nerve for a smile and forcing it across the tired lines of my face. "I heard about your plane. How you had been rescued and I, I wanted to come see for myself." I looked down at my feet. "I thought you were dead."

Jack: I crossed my arms over my chest and studied her. It had been a long time since I'd actually given Sarah a second thought; she hadn't been there at the back of my mind reminding me of my failures at life for some time now. "I'm not," I said evenly. There were things in life you just can't forget and something’s I always held onto, those broken moments after seeing Sarah for the last time were some of those things for me.

Sarah: I nodded. "I'm glad." I said. "I'm really glad." I placed my hand against the mesh window of the screen door as tears formed in the corners of my eyes. "I went to your funeral," I said. "I stood next to your mother as they lowered an empty casket into the ground. I thought I'd lost you forever." I covered my mouth with my hand as it all overwhelmed me and I began to cry softly into my palm.

Jack: I couldn't handle it when women cried. It was a universal thing and Sarah had meant a lot to me at one time, I sighed and gently pushed against the screen door to let her in, even though I knew it was just a disaster waiting to happen - letting her in. "I'm getting that thing removed." I was referring to my grave, I'd meant to do it sooner but after the move and getting caught up in life with Kate which was something I was perfectly fine getting caught up in.

Sarah: I nodded again, my body brushing his as he held the door open for me and I moved past him to get in. "Good. It's really morbid. It was at the time, burying you, without you really in there." I bit back a comment about how we'd done the same thing for his father. About how I'd stood by his mother for that too. But the difference was, we really knew Christian Shephard was dead. "They seemed so sure that there were no survivors. They told us- they said it was the best way to move on, though none of us really wanted to," I explained, wrapping my arms around myself. I looked up in his face as I turned to face him in the foyer of his new home. "I missed you, Jack."

Jack: I had to bite back a bitter comment, I was trying to understand what it would be like for anyone in her situation. It was hard but I was trying. "You missed me? Really?" My tone was flat and unbelieving. She missed me? Didn't she have a new body to keep her warm? "What are you really here for Sarah?" I glanced quickly at my watch and unconsciously double checked that my pager was on my hip. I silently willed it to go off.

Sarah: I took a step back, though it only led me further into his house. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to intrude. But when your husband is presumed dead in a plane crash and you bury him, or you think you bury him and you live with what it feels like for him to have died... you-" I shook my head. "I guess it doesn't matter. I guess I was wrong, about a lot of things. Maybe if I died, it wouldn't even sting." Wasn't he the one who contested the divorce? Wasn't he the one who fought so hard to keep me? "It's like you're back from the dead, and suddenly the second chance I prayed stupidly for for all these months is actually here."

Jack: "I'm not your husband, I haven't been your husband for a long time now." I said evenly. I had fought her tooth and nail in the divorce, I hadn't wanted to admit defeat but I was not her husband. "Don't pretend to know how I'd feel if something happened to you, just don't." The truth was I don't know how I would feel, it would hurt, it would ache but more than that? I didn't know - I didn't think so. I raised my brow, "A second chance?" Was she serious? She wanted a second chance. "I have a life now, it's good, no it's amazing." And it's because of Kate.

Sarah: "Relax, Jack." I said, eyeing him. "You always were so tense. Already back to working those long hours again?" I asked, taking another step toward him. "Besides, divorce papers or not, some part of you will always be mine, and you know it. Signing papers and making things official doesn't just make them go away or mean that we were never married." I said, my voice a little tense. "Read the newspaper articles sometime. I was the one they called your widow," I pointed out. "After all, I still have your last name."

Jack: I raised my brow at her, "Actually, I've cut back my hours significantly. Any tenseness your seeing is because my ex-wife is standing in front of me talking about second chances." I said with a slight harsh tone. Yeah, I'd read a few of those articles and after the third one interviewing my grieving widow I burned the rest my mother sent. "A name doesn't mean a thing, it never really did to you though."

Sarah: I flinched at his words. He'd never been this harsh with me. I guess it had been the other way around. He was the one bending over backward, and I'd been the cold one, trying to show him that no amount of bending was going to make things work again. "You don't have to be so harsh, Jack. You don't have to hate me so much, when I've spent all this time mourning you." Then again, what did I expect? Open arms? I guess I had. The way things had been left, maybe I'd been expecting him to be waiting for me always. Even in death. "How can you say that?" I argued, my voice heightening in pitch slightly. "How can you say it never meant anything to me? I was your wife. I didn't just marry you because you fixed me. I married you because I loved you, because I was in love with you. But you were never really sure, were you?"

Jack: I sighed and took a deep breath, she was right, I was being harsh. I wasn't sure she didn't deserve it but it wasn't really me, these were just feeling of anger and resentment that I hadn't dealt with. "I don't hate you Sarah," I rubbed my temple to stave off the headache that was accompanying this conversation. "If I hadn't been sure I wouldn't have married you." I'd come to a decision that night by the pool. I had loved Sarah, I didn't marry her because I fixed her. I don't think I ever truly fell in love with her though and maybe that was the problem. Nothing I did or didn't do excused her cheating though, I'd kissed Gabriella but she'd been seeing someone when she left.

Sarah: "Then what's the problem, Jack?" I asked, taking another step closer to him. "I know I made some horrible mistakes. I know I said some things I wouldn't say now, things I only wish I could take back or have never said in the first place. I know that you were the only one left fighting for us, and I was fighting you," I admitted. "But things happen, things that give you a chance to re-evaluate your entire life and the things that you've done. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do to change that, there's no chance. But sometimes, there is." I finished closing the distance between us, looking up into his eyes. "I had a lot of time to think about what I did wrong, and I don't think it's too little, too late. You're alive, Jack," I said, a hopeful smile lighting up my entire face. "And with you, that means, and it has always meant that it can still be fixed." With that, I placed one hand high on his chest, the other I slid up to his cheek as I leaned in and kissed him softly at first. My eyes fell closed with the sheer emotion of it, and I felt myself drawing him in deeper, harder, instinctively.

Jack: I didn't have time to respond, to tell her that the problem was that I was completely and totally head-over-heals in love with a woman named Kate Austen. That things do happen, and you do re-evaluate your life and I'd lived six months on an island where life was the craziest it had ever been and I was a completely different person now. I didn't have time to tell her these things because she was kissing me. It took me too long to register what was happening, too long to pull away from that familiar feeling. I gently pushed her away though shoving seemed like a better idea a second later. "No."

Sarah: Blinking open my eyes, I started to say something, but my eyes were caught on something else. Something I hadn't noticed before. A tall, thin brunette standing on the stairs, looking at his in disbelief. "Jack?" I said, stepping back from him instantly.

Kate: I had sat at the top of the stairs, with my eyes closed, just listening to their voices for a few minutes. Jack's wife was back. She was here, in what was supposed to be our house, pleading her case. All of these things about how he had fixed her, and their wedding, and their love. Honestly, it made my head spin. I'd gotten up to grab my shoes and my handbag. I was going to find a way to just slip by them and run a few errands now that everything... had been confirmed. Everytime I thought about that, I couldn't help but smile to myself. Except for now. I'd only made it halfway down the stairs when I saw her kiss him. She just... she grabbed him and kissed him. And for his part, he didn't exactly stop her. And not once in the conversation did he even stop and tell her about me. It was almost like he lived in this house alone. Finally, he pushed her away, but it was just barely, before weakly telling her "no" and she has the nerve to look at me, but say his name. And I just stand there, stunned.

Jack: I followed Sarah's eyes to the stairs and Kate stood there looking like she always does when she's about to run. I didn't have time to wonder how much of the conversation she'd heard all I knew was what she must have seen. "Kate," I said, finally finding my voice, pleading with her to just not do what she's so good at. Not now. They say hindsight is 20/20. I should have sent Sarah away and never let her enter our home. I didn't move, too afraid that Kate would bolt so I just stared at her, pleading with my eyes. Please, let me explain this.

Kate: I looked from Jack to his wife, who was now looking down, and not either one of us as I finally descended the last few steps and dodged his attempt at stepping toward me, instead, moving down into the sunken living room just off to the side. "Don't." I said, warning him. "Just... don't." I stared at her, at Sarah, but now she didn't have the nerve to even look at me, and I couldn't even look at Jack.

Jack: I took the step forward but stopped at her words, "Kate, please." I'd pretty much forgotten Sarah was even in the room. She didn't matter right now, all that mattered was Kate and whatever she was thinking. I knew it was wrong but I knew I'd screwed up here. Apparently that's my lot in life, when it comes to this kind of thing, I never make the right move. I took another tentative step forward.

Kate: "I said don't," I repeated, giving him another strained warning. I took a deep breath, feeling my anger mixed with the fear that this situation brought on churning in my stomach. I knew it wasn't good for me, and I definitely knew it wasn't good for what else was going on with me. I waited for the right moment, and moved through the living room, just missing our chaise lounge by the big bay windows in the front and narrowly escaped out the front door as Sarah cowered against the wall, almost in fear of me.

Sarah: I watched the entire scene unfold in front of me with a growing sense of panic. Jack was getting angry, to that obsessive point that wasn't good for him. The girl, Kate, that was her name made a beeline for anywhere that wasn't near us, and I saw him begin to move from the corner of my eye before he'd even really started. "Jack, just let her go." I advised softly.

Jack: I spared a withering glare at Sarah before I quickly followed Kate out the door. I was not going to let this happen, she couldn't just run away, not this time. "Kate!" I shouted and cursed lightly when my bare foot fell hard on a rock that sat on the front walk. "Kate, Please, don't run away from me."

Kate: I was sprinting, I was already half way to my car before I heard Jack cursing in my wake. I turned briefly, just to make sure that he was okay, that he hadn't fallen or really hurt himself, and then I finished making my way to the car. My hands were shaking as I fumbled with my keys, dropping them once and picking them up as I struggled to get the right one in the lock. "There's nothing to say, Jack." I called to him, without even looking. "Just let me go.”

Jack: Let her go? She wanted me to let her go? I wasn't sure I could, no I knew I couldn't but I wasn't sure in what sense she was talking about. Just right now? Forever? "It's not what you think," and if that wasn't the worst thing to say, "that's what everyone says I'm sure but it's true." I was half limping towards her and the car. I had seconds before she'd be gone. "Kate please."

Kate: I managed to get the door unlocked, and I opened it, standing behind it like a shield as I looked at him. I couldn't see my own eyes, but I'm sure he'd probably never seen them look so hurt. So guarded, like I felt they were now, the wall having slid firmly back up into place. "I don't know what's worse, Jack. The fact that you didn't stop your wife from kissing you, or the fact that you didn't even, not once, stop her and tell her about me." Shaking my head, I slid into the seat, pulling the door closed next to me.

Jack: Her words cut into me but not nearly as sharply as the look in her eyes, was it psychotic to notice how absolutely beautiful she looked right now? My world was falling apart right in front of me. Frustration and anger and bitterness and absolute desperation were all pounding into me at once. I hadn't thought I needed to give Sarah a reason why and Kate wasn't the only reason why I would never ever be with Sarah again. I made it to the car as she closed the door and I pressed my hands against the window. "Kate! It's not like that! Kate please!"

Kate: Regretfully, I pressed the button, automatically locking all four doors of the convertible that, ironically, he'd surprised me with just last month. Somehow, he'd remembered me talking about my love for them all those months ago. The sight of his hands against the window was too much and I put my head in my hands and began to cry. The stirring in my abdomen kicked in again, and I put one hand to my stomach, resting my forehead against the steering wheel. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to leave Jack, especially not with her still there, in my house. But running was the only thing I knew how to do. Brushing tears from my eyes bluntly, I shoved the keys in to the ignition, shaking my head as I looked up at him. The music blasted, loud and rocking, and I quickly pressed another button, turning on something I could easily cry along with as I put the car in reverse and slowly backed away. I couldn't run him over, but I had to run.

Jack: She began to back away and I had no choice but to move away from the car. She was going to run and I could see her breaking down inside the car and I just wanted to scream. "Don't do this, Kate!" I yelled again but having no choice but to back away as the car moved.

Kate: I backed the car all the way out of the driveway, watching Jack's open mouth scream words that I never heard as I tried to fight tears that would otherwise blur or obscure my vision. Pulling out of the driveway, I turned onto the winding road and left home.

Jack: I just watched the car leave, yelling her name a few more times as if the sheer volume of my voice would convince her to come back. Finally when the car was completely gone from my view I turned and walked into the house, slamming my fist into the wall by the door and cursing under my breath. I looked up and saw Sarah standing there, I'd completely forgotten she was there. I couldn't say anything I just glared at her.

Sarah: I flinched again, hearing something collide with something else near the door. Jack was angry again. Which meant this wasn't going to be pretty. It probably wasn't going to turn out all that well either. "Jack, I- I didn't know," I said, lamely. "I'd read something about you and a convict, but I didn't actually think you'd ever be serious about someone like that." I remarked. "Though I guess she fits the profile," I added, with a sigh. "The profile of people needing fixed."

Jack: I stared at her in complete shock at her words, "Someone like what? Because of something you read you think you have any right to make any judgments on Kate or who she is to me?" I spat at her, "You're wrong Sarah. She doesn't need to be fixed, she needs healing like everyone else in the world. It's not about anyone fixing the other with Kate, I don't fix her she doesn't fix me. We help each other find the strength to FIX OURSELVES!" My voice gained an octave by the end of that sentence. "And you wouldn't know anything about that." This was my fault, I'd done this but how dare she pretend to know anything about me now. "You were right, about circumstances changing your perspective. I'm not the same man I was before we all crashed on that island but even if I was, I'd still ask you to leave my house. The house I share with Kate. Kate the woman I love with everything I am. So please. Leave. Now." My tone really left no room for arguments but this was Sarah who knew what really to expect from her.

Sarah: "Fine, if that's what you want. If you want to be the one to give up now, then let's just hope you're not the one who lives to regret it in a few years, like I did," I replied, uncrossing my tensely crossed arms as I stared him down, still somewhat disbelieving this was happening this way. Jack and the convict. Things really had changed. "I have to go anyway. He's expecting me. He doesn't even know I'm here, or where I'm really at, and I'm sure glad I didn't tell him," I said, pointedly continuing to make the man I left Jack for's identity as vague as possible. "Good-bye, Jack." I said, suddenly not sure why I even came. I turned and walked out the open door, moving briskly and only staring straight ahead.

Kate: I narrowed my eyes at her as she left, and she avoided me. Good for her. I'd turned right around for some reason, and I guess neither had heard me in their arguing. But I'd heard them. I'd stood in this open doorway and watched, and listened. So when Jack came to close the door behind her, I stepped in front of him, and stood there, wordlessly.

Jack: I didn't know if Sarah was expecting my previous obsession with WHO to come back in full force when she said those words but she really didn't know me at all anymore. I'd let her go, with the hopes that she was happy, a long time ago. I didn't even dignify her with a response as she left. I'd said my peace and really that was all I was going to say unless I'd have to ask her to leave again. When I went to close the door Kate was standing there. Thank god. "Kate, I'm sorry." It was all I had.

Kate: "I couldn't run," I said, looking up at his eyes, my own still feeling so painfully shut down and fractured. "I wanted to. It's all I felt like I could do, but I just couldn't run." I said, moving past him and into the house, and ignoring his apology. Right now, the sting was still swollen and bleeding. There was no salve strong enough to make it go away just yet. "But it wasn't just because of you."

Jack: I nodded because I understood, god knows what I would have done if the situation had been reversed, if some guy from Kate's past had shown up here, or if Sawyer had come drawlin' trying to take her away from me. I wasn't sure I understood what she meant, "I don't understand."

Kate: I kept dodging his points because I just wasn't ready to answer them. I still had too many questions of my own. "What you said to her, this time, about me.... why didn't you just say that to her at first?" I asked, my eyes questioning his. "Why did you have to let her kiss you?" My voice broke on the last part, and I tried to fight it but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. "Why'd you let her, Jack?"

Jack: She didn't answer me and I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but it fell to the wayside as she asked me the pivotal question. Why hadn't I just told Sarah about Kate from the get go? Why had I let her kiss me? "I ..." I took a deep breath trying to figure out how to express it, "When Sarah left me it was to go to someone else, she was standing here in front of me and I wouldn't have given her that second chance whether you'd been here or not. And it's not that you aren't a good enough reason because your the most important reason but I guess I wanted her to know that there was no going back and it wasn't just because I had someone who makes my life whole, it's because she'll never was that someone and she'll never be that someone." I had no idea if I was even saying it the right way. I didn't owe Sarah anything, I didn't want her to walk away because that spot in my life was filled I wanted her to walk away because I didn't want her whether the spot was filled or not. "And I let her kiss me because I didn't have time to react, I was trying to decide how to respond and then she was kissing me and I was so shocked that it literally took me too long to register what was happening."

Kate: And suddenly I felt worse. I could understand, with a clarity I wish I didn't have, why he'd done what he had. It made sense. Too much sense. As much as I wanted to be Jack's reason for almost everything, I'd always wanted to be my own reason, above all. And I was amazed and oddly heartened by all of this. True, he could have been more straightforward in telling Sarah that that was the case. But maybe... maybe I was just jealous. Or maybe it was my hormones. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I just... I saw all of that, and I didn't know what to think, or what to make of it. Especially given the circumstances."

Jack: I let out a relieved breath and took a tentative step forward. "No, Kate, don't be sorry. I'm sorry, I should have handled that better and I'm just, I'm the one who is sorry."

Kate: I met him one step, shaking my head. "No, I- I didn't even come back for the right reasons. I wanted to go and then come back because it's you. And it is you, it's always you, Jack. But I was still so angry. That it took something else entirely to make me not to this to you, to us. Something else brought me back when apparently, I should have never left to begin with."

Jack: I clutched her arms lightly, rubbing my hands up her arms even lighter. I wasn't sure what she was getting at, really I was stuck on the grateful part of me that was so happy she was back that the reasons didn't seem so important, but from the look on her face, they were. "Why did you come back?" I asked carefully.

Kate: "I was going to tell you tonight," I said, looking away for a minute. It was the truth, I was going to tell him then. I had this whole, stupid plan, and part of me wanted to wait. Parted of me wanted to see if I couldn't still salvage at least a little bit of it. But I knew that it couldn't. We were back to being damaged goods, and we couldn't just dress up, have a nice dinner tonight, and pretend that today never happened. He looked like he wanted to drink the memory of it all away, and I'd be all for that plan if what I wasn't about to tell him wasn't true. Finally, I met his eyes again, and remembered a little bit of the happiness this had brought me, ever since I'd discovered it, and forged a smile out of that. "I'm pregnant, Jack."

Jack: Stunned doesn't even begin to cover my instant reaction. I remembered a time when Sarah had told me she'd thought she was, she hadn't been but my reaction had been silence and not for the right reasons. I was still petrified at the thought of being a father but looking at Kate and imagining. God. Even with the day and the stress I couldn't stop the smile from covering my face. The utter joy that lept through me at those words. "You're ... Kate that's ..." I'd probably find myself corny later by my hand automatically made its way to her stomach as if I could really feel any difference at this stage, "amazing."

Kate: I covered his hand with one, holding it there tightly. I was so grateful I had a reason to come back. Not that I wouldn't have eventually, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss this, just like this, happy. Without the stress and the tension that leaving, really leaving would have brought. "I just got it confirmed this morning by my primary care doctor, who I had to all but bribe to keep it a secret from you. And I was going to tell you over dinner tonight."

Jack: I couldn't help but grin and press my forehead against hers, "I'm sorry your plans were ruined."

Kate: I smiled back, wrapping my free arm around him. "I'm sorry I had to tell you like this."

Jack: I shook my head raising the hand that wasn't on her stomach to her cheek, "Don't be."

Kate: Leaning in, I closed my eyes, removing my forehead from his as I pressed my lips against his own, desperately. A few tears that refused to be vanquished fell down into where our lips met, and I could taste the saline as I slowly opened my mouth to his.

Jack: I tasted the salt of her tears and a part of me broke a little more inside, she was still hurt and I couldn't blame her for that but I kissed her softly, slipping my tongue between her lips and tasting her fully. I would never do anything to knowingly damage this.

Kate: Pulling away gently after a few minutes, I breathed deeply, looking up into his eyes. Everything was still so raw, and getting a little bit more broken in, but we would be fine. I knew that we would be. It was bound to hurt sometimes. It might even take a little time. But deep down, as much as it scared the Hell out of me, I knew that we were built to last. "I love you, Jack Shephard," I said softly, reaching up to run my hand gently down the side of his face.

Jack: I just looked at her, because really when it all was said and done the only thing that really mattered to me was Kate. My Job was important, material things were just things and after the reality of that island you can take things for granted but taking people for granted was harder. Nearly impossible. "I love you, Kate Austen."



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